Well, there goes all my money.

There I was, minding my own business when BAM! I’m hit with a big old insurance bill. No forewarning, no pleasantries; just a letter in the mail saying “$900, please.”

All of a sudden, my month is ruined. It’s not like I had any concrete plans, but it had so much potential. I could have impulse-purchased a pet eel, but now my eel money is officially gone.

It sucks having to spend my savings on anything that’s not alcohol or plane tickets, but insurance is particularly annoying because it feels like such a waste. Last year, I didn’t crash my car once. What the hell am I even paying for?!? The only sensible course of action is to make sure I get into at least three serious accidents by Christmas, just to get my money’s worth.

In reality though, it’s quite impressive that I’m so surprised. My insurance bill literally comes at the same time every year, and yet it still managed to sneak up on me. Ninjas got nothing on GIO.