His hands are still covered in urine, but boy are they soft and silky.

When Kane Rogers excused himself to use the restroom at a barbecue yesterday afternoon, he didn’t expect he’d be facing one of the most complex puzzles of recent times.

Rogers described his harrowing experience in another Sarcasm Orgasm exclusive interview.

“I saw there were six different pump-action bottles next to the sink. That’s when I knew I was in trouble,” the carpenter from Baulkam Hills revealed. He recovered from the initial shock by taking a couple of deep breaths, before trying to decipher his options.

“None of the labels could give me a straight answer. Between the creams, the solutions, and the scrubs, I was completely lost!”

After several minutes of careful deliberation, Rogers opted for a lemon and honeysuckle revitalising lotion. It was a bad move, as he quickly learned.

“Moisturiser. It was moisturiser.”

Rogers proceeded to spend 10 whole minutes trying to rinse off the oily substance, before giving up and concluding it impossible. He then returned to the party with hands that were still filthy, albeit smooth.

“Call me old fashioned, but all I want to do at a sink is wash my fucking hands.” Rogers complained. “Fuck you, Aesop.”