Shannon Noll and flaming bitch lady take to the kitchen to hopefully mess up so that we can laugh and enjoy the delicious karma.
My Kitchen Rules shocked everyone this year by managing to convince none other than the 2003 Australian Idol runner-up Shannon Noll to participate with his wife Zana. We were all excited to once again get to know Australia’s favourite artist and to meet his lucky lady, but this excitement did not last long.
As it turns out it’s not a coincidence that Zana is only 3 letters away from Satan; she is genuinely the dark lord antichrist. Her constant intolerable bitchiness, coupled with her propensity to sporadically burst into flames and swallow entire participants whole, destroyed her cover completely. At least it’s finally clear how the great sex icon Nollsy was actually able to be tied down – it took the mighty weight of a soul-binding contract.
We’ve spent over a week putting up with her evil deeds, and Shannon’s occasional grunts of agreement, but tonight we finally get to see whether they can live up to their own self-generated hype.
I was lucky enough to be invited to a special pre-screening of the episode, and while I promised not to give too much away, here are some of the highlights of tonight’s episode:
- Shannon Noll trades in his big black shiny car for a medium-sized white shiny car
- Satan accidentally burns food with her flaming demon hands
- Someone mentions Guy Sebastian and Nollsy goes fucking mental
- Shannon passionately sings ‘What About Me’ while rolling pasta
- Pete and Manu eat the apple of temptation and become eternal slaves of the underworld, rate the dish 10/10.