Gym Is For Suckers – Real Men Do The Worm

WORM, BITCHESImage: National Geographic

Science says flopping around like a snake on drugs is six times more effective than a traditional workout.

There’s a lot of very bad fitness advice out there. This is because it’s astonishingly easy to make money by preying on one of society’s biggest insecurities.

Luckily for you, Sarcasm Orgasm is a different kind of publication. We sift through the crap and provide you with only the facts, as proven by our friend Science.

So are you ready for washboard abs?

Then stop wasting your time with crunches and planks, and do the worm instead.

That’s right, we’re talking about the dance move that looks like a lizard having a seizure. What began as a hectic breakdancing trick has evolved into a fitness revolution, and it’s taking the world by storm.

How do you do it? Pump up the funk, grease up the floor and just go nuts.

You’ll be surprised by how much core strength you need to keep your flailing body going in a nice wormy arc. Thankfully, all that effort is worth it when you see the results. If you worm out five times a day for just one week, you’ll be so ripped it’ll make Cristiano Ronaldo look like a fat dweeb!

As an added bonus, the worm is a wonderful compound movement. Not only does it train your abs, but it also hits your legs, your back, and even your face! Nothing fuels gains faster than banging your head against the ground like a horizontal heavy metal fan.

Don’t have time for the gym? No problem! You can drop and do the worm any place, any time. In your meeting! In the carpark! At the hospital (while you’re waiting to be treated for your bleeding face)!

So don’t delay! Pop some pre-workout pingas, string up your disco ball, and worm your way to rock hard abs.

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