It seems to be working for the Cameroonian athletes, so why not give it a go?
Five of the athletes that went missing from the Commonwealth Games have been granted bridging visas, and their protection visas are being fast-tracked. This unprecedented success has sparked a revolution in refugee camps all over the Commonwealth, who have started setting up training initiatives to turn their starving population into world-class athletes for future sporting competitions.
“If I knew running really fast was all it took to migrate to Australia, I would’ve started jogging years ago!” said one refugee.
The five athletes are currently receiving assistance from registered migration agent Liz Huang Hughes-Brown of Welcome Legal. Ms Hughes-Brown has spoken out for her clients, advocating that the nation let them stay.
“Australia has legal obligations not to return any individual to a country where he or she would face persecution or be at risk of significant harm.”
Australian Immigration Minister Peter Dutton informally agreed, but with one strict caveat.
“That only applies if you can throw a shotput. Normal refugees can go fuck themselves.”