North Korea has denied they are testing nuclear weaponry, explaining they’re just trying to drop the sickest GoPro mashup of 2016.
In an emergency UN consultation held yesterday to discuss the nation’s most recent rocket launch, the North Korean representative Sin Son-ho reportedly waved away accusations that they violated Security Council regulations with a laugh. As Sin explained, Pyongyang’s recent military activity is simply the result of supreme leader Kim Jong-un’s latest quest for internet fame as the new face of extreme sports.
The diplomat described how Kim has recently been binge watching Red Bull’s Youtube channel, citing some of his favourite clips such as this rad mountain biking video. The UN were even shown rare footage of Kim’s own skateboarding prowess, although some members expressed suspicions that it was in fact just a photoshopped clip of Tony Hawk landing the first ever 900 at X-Games.
Kim and his political council have been working day and night to compile some of the Kim’s rawest stunts into a highlight reel, and are apparently having trouble fitting all the supreme leader’s many skills into a file small enough to fit Youtube’s 128GB upload limit. “We’ve already found the perfect dubstep track to accompany the video though,” Sin declared. “It’s a Kim-certified banger.”
Yesterday’s incident was reportedly Kim’s greatest ever stunt, and a world first in extreme sport. North Korea supported these claims in the form of a photograph taken as the rocket was launched. “As you can clearly see, Kim Jong-un is bravely straddling the rocket with a GoPro Hero 4 attached to his forehead. This of course is conclusive and indisputable evidence that we are definitely not trialling nuclear weaponry in order to build up an arsenal formidable enough to take over the world, and we expect all condemnation of our military activity to be corrected.”
The UN are still deliberating on the matter, although there are reports indicating they are meeting Kim down at the Pyongyang skate park tonight to see just how good he really is at popping mad ollies.