11 Great Things To Do Instead Of Joining ISIS

Outside is a magical place

Thinking of shipping off to Syria to become a scum-of-the-earth terrorist? Before you do, make sure you try each one of the things on this list!

1. Go Outside

It’s a beautiful day! Feel the soft prickle of grass between your toes and you’ll never want to blow up a group of innocent human beings again.

Outside is a magical place

2. Take a Selfie With a Quokka

These furry bastards are always smiling, it’s genius. Take a leaf out of their book.

A selfie with a quokka is the greatest kind of selfie

3. Binge-Watch How I Met Your Mother

Smash all 9 seasons of this iconic sitcom to take your mind off inducing fear in children. If your heart isn’t warmed by Marshall and Lilly’s beautiful lifelong bond then nothing will work!

A truly excellent sitcom. Do yourself a favour..

4. Buy an Ergonomic Chair

Maybe you’re just irritated because of posture-induced back pain – and who could blame you! One of these bad boys will make you so happy and reasonable you’ll forget all about your plans to betray everyone that loves you in the name of global terror.

Such comfort

5. Draw a Picture of a Lake

The peaceful water will cleanse your soul.

Can you feel the cleansing effects of the water?

6. Calm the Fuck Down

Seriously, just stop being a aggressive little prick and think about it for a minute.

Just stop.

7. Hone Your Ping-Pong Skills

Become the world master. Train the next generation of world masters. Become one with the Ping, and two with the Pong.

This guy is obviously two with the pong

8. Stop Dyeing Your Hair Black

It’s a well-known fact that anyone with dyed black hair does not make particularly good life choices. Take a positive step and reveal your natural sandy-blonde curls once more.

Stop it

9. Consider How It Would Feel to Lose Someone You Love Because of a Delusional Group of Armed Maniacs

Consider it hard.

Have you thought about it? Think about it.

10. Eat Some Ice-Cream

Maybe your blood sugar is just low, or you’ve been deprived of reasons to be happy. Ice-cream is always a reason to be happy. One taste and you won’t want to destroy the world because ice-cream exists in the world.

Who could destroy a world that contains this magical substance?

11. Literally Anything Else At All

Just please don’t join ISIS ok? Ok.

Don't be a dick and join ISIS - it's the right thing to do!

(Images: Kristy Kravchenko, EarthPorm, GeekBomb, TalkLocal, Danube Commission, Dreamstime, Lolzbook, Haircrazy, NataliD89funnyphotobucket, TechTimes)

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