Thinking of shipping off to Syria to become a scum-of-the-earth terrorist? Before you do, make sure you try each one of the things on this list!
1. Go Outside
It’s a beautiful day! Feel the soft prickle of grass between your toes and you’ll never want to blow up a group of innocent human beings again.
2. Take a Selfie With a Quokka
These furry bastards are always smiling, it’s genius. Take a leaf out of their book.
3. Binge-Watch How I Met Your Mother
Smash all 9 seasons of this iconic sitcom to take your mind off inducing fear in children. If your heart isn’t warmed by Marshall and Lilly’s beautiful lifelong bond then nothing will work!
4. Buy an Ergonomic Chair
Maybe you’re just irritated because of posture-induced back pain – and who could blame you! One of these bad boys will make you so happy and reasonable you’ll forget all about your plans to betray everyone that loves you in the name of global terror.
5. Draw a Picture of a Lake
The peaceful water will cleanse your soul.
6. Calm the Fuck Down
Seriously, just stop being a aggressive little prick and think about it for a minute.
7. Hone Your Ping-Pong Skills
Become the world master. Train the next generation of world masters. Become one with the Ping, and two with the Pong.
8. Stop Dyeing Your Hair Black
It’s a well-known fact that anyone with dyed black hair does not make particularly good life choices. Take a positive step and reveal your natural sandy-blonde curls once more.
9. Consider How It Would Feel to Lose Someone You Love Because of a Delusional Group of Armed Maniacs
Consider it hard.
10. Eat Some Ice-Cream
Maybe your blood sugar is just low, or you’ve been deprived of reasons to be happy. Ice-cream is always a reason to be happy. One taste and you won’t want to destroy the world because ice-cream exists in the world.
11. Literally Anything Else At All
Just please don’t join ISIS ok? Ok.