Local Sydney man John Peterson has brought his family into disrepute with a shocking lack of footpath stability.

The incident occurred at approximately 8:59am Australian Eastern Time, when Peterson was on his way to work in the Sydney CBD. Peterson was reading about taxes on his iPhone when suddenly his left foot slid on a stray Fitness First brochure and down he went. Witnesses say the man’s arms flailed around comically and he let out an inordinately pained scream.

“It was a bit much,” says Margaret Jones, who had been walking directly adjacent to Peterson at the time of the incident. “I actually kicked him a couple of times in the chest and tipped a bottle of nail polish remover in his eyes because he was making such a fuss.” Jones was congratulated on her response by police when they arrived on the scene. Chief Constable Gregory Wu went so far as to describe Jones as “heroic”.

“When someone overreacts to something minor, it’s really up to the public to appropriately punish them. I’m just glad we had such a stand-up citizen on hand, otherwise Peterson might not have felt as terrible about himself as he really deserves to.”

Peterson has yet to release a public statement, “probably because he’s too chicken” deduces Jones. “If he’s any sort of decent human being he should resign from his job, divorce his wife, and encourage her to remarry while he lives the remainder of his years celibate and starving far removed from society, where we don’t forgive such stupid blunders.”

(Image: bizimoleayo)