Local Man Intentionally Wears Bucket Hat

What is WRONG with you???Image: Amazon


Adam Darwin is a perplexing man. In most respects, he is your average suburban guy, but then yesterday afternoon he did something inscrutable – he wore a bucket hat on purpose.

As we all know, there are only three scenarios where a bucket hat is suitable:

  1. Mowing the lawn
  2. Getting mashed at a festival
  3. Molesting children.

Adam was doing none of these.

We asked him to explain his behaviour, and, to our surprise, he calmly articulated a sound rationale.

“I need protection from the sun, but it’s also important to me that I look like a fuckwit.”

Clever Adam discovered that a bucket hat is the perfect intersection of those two needs. Bravo, Adam!

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