As a teenager, Markle was a Canadian Pop Sensation.

On the morning of her wedding, it has been revealed that Meghan Markle has a secret past. She has kept it well-hidden for a long time, but she couldn’t hide from Sarcasm Orgasm’s crack team of real, legitimate and good investigators.

Miss Markle’s big secret is that when she was a teenager, she was an incredibly famous pop star in Canada. This fact has been buried by her success as an actress, and lately as Prince Harry’s fiance.

The Prince made a public statement after hearing the news, saying that it certainly explained a few things.

“She did recommend we visit the mall a lot,” he admitted. “Also explains the time she wanted to rock my body til Canada day. That one was certainly baffling.”

When asked for comment, the artist formerly known as ‘Meghan Sparkles’ was furious.

“Did the robot tell you? That filthy traitor.”