fbpx

Report Finds Eurovision Fucking RIGGED

#robbedImage: SBS

Our girl Jess Mauboy sang her heart out, and she finished 20th? Piss off.

An investigation into the voting system behind Eurovision has found that it’s complete fucking bullshit. While the win was well-earned by Netta Barzilai of Israel, Australia’s Jessica Mauboy deserved much better than her 20th place finish.

Mauboy performed her song ‘We Got Love’ at the final in Lisbon on Sunday morning, and she bloody well nailed it. Yet somehow, despite the catchy-ass tune and her enthusiastic performance, she finished below the top 5? Not only that, but 20th?? It stinks of corruption, and our research suggests the conspiracy goes all the way to the top.

To put it in perspective, Australia finished below Ukraine, the Netherlands and Serbia. Serbia, for Christ’s sake!!! They don’t even have the internet there yet.

The result adds to the growing list of Eurovision’s crimes against Australia, the most heinous of which was the Dami Im scandal of 2016. We know she won it, Europe knows she won it, but they just couldn’t man up and accept it, could they? Rather than crown Australia as the true champions of Europe, they fixed the votes to deny our victory at the last second. Bastards.

While it might have seemed a gracious gesture from Eurovision to allow Australia into their competition in the first place, it’s all a big ruse designed to humiliate our great nation – one popstar at a time. If that’s not a fact, then Sarcasm Orgasm is not a reputable publication. Laughable, I know.

Share Button

Be the first to comment on "Report Finds Eurovision Fucking RIGGED"

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.


*


CAPTCHA * Time limit is exhausted. Please reload CAPTCHA.